Crohn's disease, is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone......tho I am very thankful to have met others that have unfortunately experienced the same thing, but by bonding together during the crummy times, we are strengthened. It is such a comfort to know you are not alone in what you feel, think, react, go through, meds, surgeries, hospital stays, etc. By sharing the crud, we are cemented in the good, and strengthen each other, with each breath, each step, each moment that we choose to CONTINUE fighting our way through this life, that at times we live, and at others is seemingly lived for us, through illness, etc. We are NOT a DIAGNOSIS!!! We are more than THAT label, It's what and who we are on the inside that counts, and DEFINES each one of us! Remember that!
Live life, love life, and keep on keeping on! Together we are strong!
God knows what I need, and when. I wasn't ready then, I am now. 3 years of muzzled emotions, physically and mentally.....I NEED an outlet. And as Shel Silverstein said "If there is a book you would like to read, but hasn't been written yet, WRITE IT YOURSELF. So I have decided, after "hoping" something that connected us on a deeper plane would be found somewhere out there in cyberspace....but I didn't find anything where I quite "belonged", and thus created this site for that very purpose.
I do hope you enjoy! ~Becky Butler
011114 This we hear deep within, our insecurities that weaken us. This is not their only purpose. To simply dwell within ourselves, the depths within churn and spin, our eyes are blurred by the films that are continually replayed within . In the depths of being, the mind is strained, all extraneous words echo loud and very deep within. Eventually upon our tongue, it's toll is taken even while we're young. We are trapped when they remain. The scars within have left us marred. Simply destroyed within is not enough. extraneous words, place extra strain when they are allowed to remain. In the depths of being, cruelty cries, straining the mind with each distorted expression. Extraneous echos in our emptiness, no reply it seems from anyone. Alone we feel, the extra strain, selfishness overcomes.
The soul affected, the heart rejected, as we allow the mind's collected thoughts to overrun. Spill they will upon the tongue. Ability to hurt another, is something that is not a goal to strive to be won. For that will be the result, our hurt, hurts others within and without. It is said misery loves company, but all this does is leave us empty, affirming every insecurity, is not the way to break free. Harming others and ourselves with the hurt that hurts so much. Building walls we have created ourselves, so that others may not see when we fall. When we have have are trapped within, the mind the soul, the torment. Building walls, crafted from the depths of pain that resonate, keeping others out away outside the gates. Thus reaffirms, we are alone, not knowing where we can possibly go. How can we fit in, when our depths are sullied, soiled within. But this truth, we need to know, insecurities steal the keys needed for growth. Humility is such a gift, God's grace is more than sufficient. For humility and honesty are the keys. But first within ourselves this truth we must allow to take hold. God is love, at times we feel so unaware of. Based on feeling deep within, how could He love me....
He knows what lies within. But God graces our wounds with love, He knows they are there, He created us. Though pain and insecurity doesn't come from Him, His arms are always there, opened to hold and embrace, heal with love. There is no secret we can keep from His love and truth, He knows us inside and out. This is not a bad thing, when pain resonates so deeply within, shame and guilt doesn't come from Him. Conviction yes, consequences of what WE have wrought. We have to know what lies within, LIES WITHIN. To disfigure, disengage, and lose ourselves who it is we're created to become. So in simple stealth, sorrows come, in attempt to steal from us His promise of tomorrow. He holds our future in His hands, only when we understand, not to punish, or penance give, but Love He is, created for us to dwell, so that we can heal, and be able to say our soul is well.
Seething pain, creeps within, taking hold so tight, we cannot grow. We react by how we perceive this life and what it is we want it to be. Wounded areas ever fail to bring forth rest. Especially when life is viewed as one continual impassable test. But this is not the case imagined or ordained for us to live our lives this way. Treading water is not living, it's surviving, and there are times most definitely we need to be able to swim, and keep our head up, from drowning sorrows that overwhelm. But with God we are never alone, away from Him we can never go, We can refuse His truth and grace, and choose to leave our lives up to chance and happenstance. Yet God didn't gamble, when He created life. He's knitted & woven purpose into our being that comes only from His love. Our dreams we forget, as our road continues, in never ending circles and cycles of torment and madness. Yet this is not even a singular part of His plan for you or for me. The effects of this world, do transform us far from His goal.
Yet all is not His fault, to blame God for the things we could do without. But His love we have to know and trust, before we allow Him to transform us into His reflection. We are held ever in His eyes, nothing to Him could be a surprise, He's with us wherever we go, and though the path isn't always smooth, it's still Jesus that I choose. I have tried things on my own, but the weeds ever come choking, restraining God's beauty destined for our life. I know now beauty is everywhere, abundantly to be found, when I see through eyes graced by healing, and know in Him this is just the beginning of all it is He holds for me. But I know, that God is not a genie where the lotto is automatically won. For our best He holds in heart, and sometimes that includes tearing apart all it is that has kept Him out, all our secrets, all our doubt. Before His throne we must go, and embrace the truth, we are not our own. He paid the cost, for us to become His daughters and sons. He is father, & holds our best, at times OUR trust is put to the test. Not to see us fail, for He only holds and wants our best. But clarity is often needed, not in Him for He can see, but within ourselves to see the places where His loving touch and grace is needed always and ever so much. Faithful is He over us, while faithless we are when second guessing His presence. In this life, and life to come, we are never, have never been left alone. He's always been there right beside, waiting for us in Him to abide. For God in us, is where He longs to reside. How oft' we reject, and consistently forget to thank Him for the good, and PRAISE Him in the bad. For His ways enable our successful path. As we want to be loved, esp. when we feel we are not enough, Jesus to wants the same. To love and be loved, simply for Who He is, not what He does or can do. He's not a wishlist. But He is worthy of our love, He doesn't want to be forgotten or abandoned by us.
He exists that so we can live, thru the storms and tempests, our hand He holds with everystep, it's is us who choose to do the letting go. His eternal love doth ever embrace and encompass our spirit and soul. Transforming hearts turned to stone, by the things experience at us has thrown. How can you run for help to the One that's blamed for our every mistake, the One we blame when the negative takes place. Gratitude sprinkled here & there, oft' misplaced as we don't attribute the good things to His grace. Pain of course is oft' attributed unto God, as part of His plan, unfathomable so we disconnect ourselves from the One sees it all and ever holds our best, even when we are put to the test. Not given as one to fail, but to reveal in us, the places that need His touch to heal. Misconceptions come from the experiences of life, and the circumstances of. In this we have a choice to make, run to Him or run away. The choice is ours, our own to make, for He loves us enough to want to to be loved, chosen and cherished by us for who He is, just like us, but in Him lies true rest and our best. Trials and struggles do not stop, once we place Jesus on top, and give to Him every place that is out of control. But this truth is what I know, He is with me, wherever I go, He brings me through with the perfect view, for it's His perspective that I need to see through. My heart mended, my soul rejoice, in times of strife and happiness, for through it all His goal is my best. He alone, holds my best, He alone gives me true restorative recuperative rest.One that a bed nor pillow can create, His dreams bring me to life.
On my own, within my head the only things crafted in me is strife. But God loves, it's who He is, and cherished we are from our verybeginIt's a simple two way street, we want to be loved and accepted for who we are. Our voice heard and validate all that is we need express. He knows our thoughts, He knows our cares, His love places His concern there, in those places only He can fill. Simply, that is the goal, all He want's is for us to know we cannot do it on our own.
When bound to love, God loves, it's who He is, and cherished we are from the very begin. A simple two way street, we want to be loved and accepted for who we are. Our voice to be heard and validated in all it is we need express. He knows our thoughts & knows our cares. His love places His concern there, in those places only He can fill. Simply, that is His goal, all He wants is for us to know we cannot do this on our own. When we are bound unto Himself, nothing is impossible, when we seek Him out as the answer of, all we face and all we love. Many times our hands are tied, but remember for us it is that He died, He is no longer bound by this earth, nor neath the ground, He can reach and intervene in every situation that we may ever face. He loves us enough to intervene in our circumstances and bring forth hope.
Our lives in Him are not left up to chance, or open to happenstance. We are promised, treasured, purpose filled, in His love He transforms our soul, in the deepest places where we are unable to sow anything beside our bitterness, He comforts, heals, and gives us rest. He truly is the one in whom our hope, destiny and purpose unfold. ..............Becky Butler Connell
Vision's Expression Owner, Admin.& Content Developer