Part One-5 years ago
Five years ago, I didn't understand how my life would change; for the better and the worse but, ultimately for the best.
I didn't know the resiliency I have for life's adversities. I wasn't aware of the joy I have in conversations with three-year-olds. I didn't know five years ago that I would have to fight to survive, more than once. Five years ago, I didn't see the fortitude I have to make it through something that wanted to take my life more than once.
I didn't know I'd meet my love, who is so good to me.
I didn't realize that I would be able to let go of people I thought were permanent and more so that I wanted to be permanent.
Five years ago, I wasn't aware of the power of letting go of what's not for me, and I didn't know the gift of fighting for the things that are.
Part Two-Five years ago
Five years ago, I didn't realize how hard I'd have to fight for a semblance of normalcy. That it would take all I had and then some to get through, and it still bowled me over. The only thing I could do was hang on to Jesus. I run after my God, to seek my King, and find Him amid my mess, open arms willing to embrace, to hold and pick me up and take me out of the trenches that I've been in for far too long.
Five years ago, I didn't understand how I would struggle, and also how every single one of my dreams surpassed my confined mind's goals. I have had to let go of things I desperately wanted to be permanent in my life. But I have learned through letting go of the things not meant for me and letting God that I am where I need to be. In the presence of my Lord.
Five years ago, I didn't know I would put down the gift that I have been graced with and not do anything with it for a few years. I permitted my giftings to go dormant so that I could cope with my reality. I have found that I trust, I need my God and my giftings from Him, to carry me through and to deal effectively with whatever I face.
Five years ago, I was unaware of how hard it would be to pick up again. But I knew beyond any measure of doubt in my Spirit that I needed to continue in the craft that keeps me. Writing my way through has always been how I achieve. I process and confront all that rages against me on the inside.
Then I lay it at God's feet and permit Him the place of process and perspective in my life that I may see through His eyes and not my occluded humanistic vision that only sees in part. I give my all to the Lord and know that as He's carried me thus far, I will continue until my race is not simply done, but won.
Solace yearned in a weakened state, respite for even the breath we take. At times we seed to escape all we are, where we're at, or actions we have regretfully taken. There is comfort within the warmth of the Son upon your face. His radiance shows through as we exhale into the new. The steps wed've taken to bring us through, where we've been, no longer do we remain forsaken. Awakening within one's skin requires a certain light to be let in. In order to alleviate anxiety's toll, the view must encompass not most, but all. All that lies beneath thh surf, in ghastly moments that we felt cursed.
Breaking free of haunted memories, first, they must be faced, be faced indeed. Not in dread to bring one down but to remove the grasp that's held strong, and been far too profound in the life that we lead. There are many things we can do away with, to create the room and space through Forigveness, self is included on this list.
The expanse of memories do not flood and overtake, based upon our life's mistakes. We are not to pack a lunch, lay a blanket, and settle in the mistakes that we've made. We've made them, get on up with the day. This is a place not meant for us to stay, acknowledge in ways that can't be taught, but through experience, it is wrought.
But again, trapped within no longer sin, but Forgiven. Though the actions that have been taken do indeed form and shapen. Forgiveness, self-included; rinses clean the sense of doubt, that voices within such audible sound. This may have to be a continual thing, to become a part of how we live.
The steps we take bring us up or down. Whichever path we've chosen to traverse upon........becky butler
Luxurious Cost of Medication
It's draining when we're waiting on another day, a better day to treat or not treat, what it is that depletes and based on various mitigating factors like level of sickness, level of patience, level of insistence and unfortunately levels of our bank accounts. On good days, we may skip a pill or two, or a dose here and a dose there, to make it last for when it is needed. Who decides when the alarm is raised to treat or not to treat. These decisions ought not to be made fiscally. Medication and finance should not a contradictory sentence make.
Reservation need be saved for a table in which to dine, not on a decision to be medicinally minded. Far-reaching into the scopes of pocket lint and pockets of dimes, with which we feed into the medical machine to buy us time. Time with medication, time with advances, time. We spend money to gain time. But what kind of time is that we are walking away. Fitful flits here and there, no breath to take, no space to make life be what you want it to be.
It is worthwhile when efforts payoff with investment and time and not mistaken for something that will always be available to be taken. Time runs the gamut for each of us. Did we get up and participate in making life what it ought to be, or did we sit in the sidelines, too afraid to pay the cost of admission to the game? Becky Butler Prose and Photo
Pain such pain, I digress. Remove the oppression that’s on my chest. My shoulders ache from the weight of all it is I continually face. Attempts to tune out such afflicted ail, within ourselves, we do fail. Discomposed we become, when such hurt overcomes, no more effect, as self is numbed. Disheveled we look as composure depletes, I’ve morphed into someone I know I’m not, not in the least. I wonder when or if this will ever stop. A nuisance of notions shared by some can be completely inappropriate and unwelcome. When “it’s not that bad, it can’t hurt that much,” Unable to fathom when concerns fail to touch. Many won’t stop or take the time to learn what it is that churns inside.
There are times when the afflict won’t quit, but it ultimately comes down to how we deal with it. Even though the day is bad, there is still a choice there to be had. Not to tune out how we feel, for pain can be unbelievably real. Brought to my knees more than once, I know this postures significance. Humbled by what I go through, I make the choice of Who I run to.
Some may see and understand, and others won’t want to take the chance, in the place were no words abound. So away, it is some choose to stay, not knowing what or how to say, what’s needed in the day to day. But, this of all is the simplest, listen, and allow my voice to express. I don’t look for you to be my cure, I just would like you to reassure. Simply be by my side and walk with me, don’t choose to hide. Your presence in this present time, no pretense, no offense and, no defense to chime. Simply stay, and remain by my side."............Becky Butler
CROHNS AND COLITIS AWARENESS WEEK DEC 1-7, 2019
Why do I push away the very things I want to stay. Partly open, partly depraved and at times enraged. Why does the voice e I need the least, speak the most clearly? To back away from rock God bless, with the fearful sense that it will all be snatched away as part of my timid view of destiny.
The repose I’ve longed for, granted me and yet I can’t fully believe. Nor
reprieve from constant drudgery that plays ever and ever up on repeat.
Moments of bliss, I feel are fate’s twist. Just a glimpse you can see but never be a part of your permanency. Projected images, vision’s accurate, views distorted, what needs to be projected to keep me protected.
A conundrum created in the depths of a, afraid to face. I don’t want to be a part of the pain and worry that echoes within fractured frame.
Painted smile, diverts from my eyes stinging missed. Where is it that I am to exist?
The profound is what I want a part of. Resonate within me so strong that outward projections resonate the poignancy of who I am and have yet to be.
A savored imprint left upon the heart, a legacy that resonates truth, the truth that is me. So blessed, yet ever lost. Life is not to be what it once was. But that thankfully is a key to preventing the looping repeat of importunity.
I, at times do not know how to perceive, much less receive the good. Is it here to stay, for me to keep and be able to forge a head with?
Or here for a moment bliss, meeting in temporal’s case, to flit and flutter about trying to find a way out of life that’s trapped and held from destiny, as I long to keep, keep with me, ever and eternally. Why can’t a readily except the blessings that come my way?
Many are disguised and come in the form of trials in life. Initial aversion is right in resistance, for more agony cannot seemingly in anyway be sustained. But what else to do when life itself is thrown at you, continue, stand, remain and know it’s all part of the woman plan to reveal who it is that you are, what you are capable of, when you’ve come this far.
Don’t let the spirit of defeat permeating stop the process God Himself is crafted.. His hand is there always, it is will be turned away, and fear of even he pulling the rug from underneath. How skewed our view becomes when we’ve been shaken and absolutely wrung.
May the defeatist be stopped, shut down and locked, to no longer excess constant doubt.
When good things arrive upon your step, embrace them. Don’t send or turn them away. Blessings also exist to stay and become a part of our essence, our physical and spiritual DNA.
Allowed to reside the smile that hides and let love and grace for today from the places that were once too difficult to face.
Be transformed by the goodness all around. Let your vision be adjusted to become a custom to perceive all the blessings that have always been there. And through weakness have been forsaken. Let your perception shift so that you will no longer be shaken...........Becky Butler
Casting trust upon the threaded ripples of the sea.
and unique, yet timeless in seamless connectivity. Crafting the truth
of depths distinction. Winding a vibrant identity within the leaves.
The seasonal whispers of doubt increase.....
The ambitious balance of our hopes and dreams.
Trickling whispers dangled in truth. Is this a place that I can find you? The inviting abundance of August's Muse, lull softly in nurtured diffuse. Joy Unspeakable, lies in the intense spectrum of promise.
Rising to a place of honor, giddy with delight. Per chance to dream, unraveled seeds begin to need. Soil, water, nourishment, and protection from the elements.
First it must fight it's way into even seeing the light of day.........bbc
What are the moments that remain? That sustains us through the length of days. There will be days where it takes everything we have to maintain.
We aren't supposed to stay that way. Make do until you get through and move upward and onward into a better view. Otherwise, we will continue on askew, ever maintaining, while missing the view.
At any time, you can decide that life is yours and yours to define. To make of it what you will, no longer standing by as it passes. Awake and make the change. You are the author. You hold the pen. When to press in and continue and when to give in. Both are necessary elements to ensure we don't go too far or get dragged underneath.
This lie is what you make it, starting with how you consciously decide and choose to take it. Grains of sand have their purpose. They count against our very existence, only so many moments we've been given, to waste or make the most of with them.
Choice, yes, is a must. But follow-through creates a life lives that's just. Bystander's know nothing more than the ruts.
Participants live their lives fully, in love, and joy, and trust. Rest is there for those that live. Rust is left for those that choose to remain and abstain from life.
Mentality is what you make it. Live your life with purpose. Don't let it be taken..........bbc ©
BULL DOG TENACITY
I cannot underestimate the fabulous fact of having an excellent Doctor. Be it a specialist or GP. My GP is great. Fabulous. She knows the Crohn's and deals with it. I've had it for 25 years now, not an anniversary that you think of lovingly. But, then again, I wouldn't have ever experienced some of the absolute best times of my life.
Yes, you read that right. I have experienced truly the best times of my life, AFTER being diagnosed. My life wasn't miserable before, but the scope and compass of my borders were very tight and very black and white. No budge, no give, just stubbornness, rooted in anger, as my body refused to acquiesce to my WANTS. I wanted it to just work, not go haywire, and toss an EMPHYSEMA diagnosis on top of that at the age of 27!
I was born a preemie, at 26 weeks gestation, weighing 1'11oz in 1975. F
Daily, I have learned to take this life one step, one breath, one moment, one second, one minute, and prayer at a time in life; this has graced my life. This truth gets me through. Always. If it's not bearable now, there will come a span, where things will be again. It does get better. Life holds so much for each of us. We just need to start where we are at with what we have and do. Yes, do. What you love, what you like, not what your diagnosis echoes in the reverberation of the mind. I guarantee the ripple effect from that stone when thrown into our lives becomes all-consuming.
We will. Yes, we will have days, times, months, periods where life seems all consuming and lags way behind on the blessings and beauty factors. Every moment you breathe is only miserable if you want it to be.
Yes, your diagnosis is miserable; it hurts, it's truth. There's no escape from our bodies. But our mind, Spirit, and emotions lay open for a different interpretation of life if we are open to it, and that is.......
"Though the road be long, Life is Still Beautiful"......
My momma, Pauline Butler is a true inspiration and gift that I have been so honored to have in my life, to live and learn, diagnosis limits as far as YOU let it. It's a choice. It's our choice. Some days, NO, we don't have a choice, but those days, are when you dig in and hang on to God and not let Him go until the VIRTUE FLOWS. Like in the New Testament the woman grabbed Jesus' garments as He passed through the crowds. Though He could not "feel" the woman tugging at His apparel, He knew that Virtue had gone out of Him, and into this woman.
This woman needed VIRTUE in her life, Jesus' Virtue. She needed it. Had to have it, was desperate for it. So she grabbed on to Jesus like none other and would not let go until He noticed when His Virtue flowed into her, equipping her for her future and destiny.
Mark 5:25-34 KJV
We have to hang on and hang in through Faith and not let go of Jesus for anything!
Our healing, our destiny, our purpose, our passion, our life, our steps, our moments, our future resides in Him.
I try to hang on to Jesus' and His garment with Bull Dog Tenacity. When I pray, I 10,000% believe if it's a need, God will intervene.
The Word Miracle simply means that God intervenes in our circumstances. So no, Mountains don't have to collapse before you, as a qualifier for a miracle. The qualifier for a MIRACLE is NEED. Needing help, knowing we can't always do it on our own, in ourselves. But awesomely, we were not made to just maintain, and life is not something that's tolerated, it is something that is embraced and lived to the FULLEST.
The VERY best things in my life have come after some pretty devastating, life-altering, mind numbing, multiple incurable illnesses. But I live my life to the fullest each day. Using what I have (laptop), with where I'm at (home in bed in pain many days), to do what I can (Reach out and write eloquent prose, articles, essays, and Prose Album Photo Compilation Gallery.)
Every door opened that I needed to open, and I do pray every door closed that needs to be. So there is nothing left in me, that I may be purified and enabled to be a vessel, that retains Wisdom's precepts.......bbc
Becky Butler Connell ©
As the trees out my window yearn to bud, every millimeter reaching out in full extension in upward praise toward the Sun.
I see how they yearn to bud, they are burdened by this involuntary need it seems they are so ready, but the weather is not consistent enough to be conducive.
They stretch forth in full extension soaking in as many rays as possible to fuel the soil beneath past winters melt.
We have four seasons, and they are created in the hand and heart of God, and we also experience the fullness of the four seasons many times over in our lives. This is how we grow, and learn and expand our boundaries and horizons.
In the crummy times, the "elements" seem to take over everything; thus we are wielded to and fro like the willow.
The seasons in life, season our life. Without many of our uniquely individual encounters, we wouldn't be quite as bubbly, sassy, or classy.
We are humbled by life, but lifted by God, we are plagued with an incurable illness, yet we are sustained ever in the moment, within the heart of Jesus. ...............bbc ©
Content that is too long for a photo/prose compilation, and thus fits more as an Article or Essay format. Enjoy!!!
Oceans of tears collectively seasoned with the Salt of the Earth,
it may be hard to fathom and difficult to process, to allow anything past the lump in our throats of missing you, For you continue to beat in each of our hearts.
Embrace the Lord in all things, as all things reside within Him and is bestowed graciously upon us, as a gift from Him.
Thank you for allowing the incredible to grace so many. I know at times we acquiesce to the exhaustion that fully encompasses the depth, width, and height of love's overwhelm.
Tears are free to flow, and separation though temporary is painful. God knows the need of the heart and Spirit with the secure shoulder of His embrace.
Individually and collectively, we can walk in and exude grace, especially in regard to others who may be unbeknownst to us hurting. Your voice, your message, your truth is held in the Lord. This allows Him to enable the expression of light as His Spirit that lies within each of us, and transforms our communities.
Love, the imprint of which I want ever within my Spirit. That I may walk in the graciousness, and live in the fullness of life, that God holds. New visions, new dreams, new songs, and new praise. He is ever the same, yesterday, today and forever.
Don't limit God by leaving Him in yesterday; and the yesterdays of life. It's kinda moot. He can heal the residue of your yesterdays, refreshing today, enlightening your view, and revealing your purpose in Him that only you can fulfill.
Prayer is an absolute. It establishes and shapes the landscape upon which we live. It clarifies vision. Pain remains near and ever present. Though, we happen to have a friend who sticks closer to me than my brother would.
As I lay all of the things that burden me at His feet, I can then rest fully in His lap.
As He always holds my hand, and has a firm grip upon me and my life, and He carries me through. Always.
© Becky Butler Connell
Amazingly, we have a God who takes
the chaotic travesties of life
that have shattered us into fragmented
slivers of brokenness.
Into a mosaic.
God takes our broken and shattered pieces of pain,
loss, human frustration and human need, and puts
the slivers and shattered pieces back together
cemented concretely in His love, healing, purpose and perspective.
An entirely new work of art has been forged
in the broken places. While we may not look
as we did before trauma's toll. Each sliver
and shard is carefully placed by the hands
of the Master Craftsman, concretely set in love,
to bestow and reflect beauty.
Our brokenness is what allows Him to recreate us
into His Masterpiece. That once reflected wounds,
but now the places of healing are evident, in the
mosaic setting of piecing us back together.
We can see pieces of who we "are" at the core.
Who we were, without God. As the grout of His
love and Truth is spread over every broken
shattered piece. Cementing the beauty that God
crafted us to walk in. With every line filled in,
visible so that others may know,
true beauty comes in our choice of
how we pick the pieces up........bbc ©
My (tattoos) are mosaic, ink is mosaic custom mosaic designed by me........awesome!
Some things resonate so clearly in peaceful silence. Serenity that is able to bring forth clarity versus passive ambiguity. In these times of quiet, one can distract to avoid the awkward nature of what it can sometimes be to those unaccustomed. The stilled breath, steady hand and tranquil gaze can be a powerful connecting force. For we have to know ourselves in order to unfiendly be.
Acceptance of faults, flaws mistakes and all; wisdom is gained at experience gate. Sharpened focus on what matters, the things that make a difference, that in resonating silence are recognized.
Creating a difference, must first be ours before we can give to others. For then wisdom and experience can assuredly be stated in a perspective that is gained in no other way. Resolute we stand, firmly grounded upon the revelation of self. Personal stability leads to security, for we aren't shaken by the winds and waves of various opinion.
know who we are, each one of us and to know why we are here. The
meaning of life is to give life meaning. Fulfilling purpose far
beyond self. We weren't created to solitarily dwell, but to reach
forth into another and share our truth. This is when we can be of
most use. Not to convince or transform but to bring forth a state of
reflection without wincing objection. Arriving at the place that is
called Acceptance.....................................bc ©
11~15~09 Our GI's need to learn that patients who are having symptoms that aren't in the textbook, but rather in the footnote, are as legitimate as classic cases. This disease run's the gamut of mouth to rectum, and also the gamut of extra intestinal manifestations, eye irritation, skin disorders, mouth disorders, kidney trouble, liver agitation, gall bladder and pancreatic inflammation, so the systemic nature of Crohn's need's to be addressed, and these foot note symptoms need to be realized and acknowledged as part of the anguish that patients with Crohn's suffer through, esp when your symptoms are in the footnote of the textbook and not the bold font paragraph's of classic markers of this disease. It is just a detrimental to our quality of life as much as the expected course is, but it is also topped of with skepticism, and doubt on the physicians behalf that the patient has in some way is off their rocker. Physicians need to be aware of and treat the entire gamut of this disease, physical, mental, emotional, and of course intestinal. I have found that the greatest benefit a physician can supply a patient is an attentive ear, and an open mind to consider all symptoms mentioned, as serious legitmate, and not misconstrued or dismissed. We are our own advocate, we are the only one's who can adequately relay what we experience to our physician's and the office calls, or procedural process is the time for us to open our mouth and inform our physician until they get it. Make a continual exerted effort to speak your symptoms resolved by medication or surgery and those unresolved, including the side effects of the medications we take, as those alone can cause a whole host of trouble, so we must be the VOICE of CROHN'S the FACE of CROHN'S and the ADVOCATE of CROHN'S by using the only thing we can, our mouth. Speak, speak, speak.
We are raised in
a society that deems the physician is the expert and we are lay
people. While in essence this is true, we are the patients; the one
going through and suffering this dreadful disease. A good doctor is
one who does not play God, who is open to their patients, listens to
them, follows up on what they say, and perform tests and procedures
to treat, and identify the cause of our complaint, not to simply
dismiss a patient as an uninformed ninny who doesn't know anything
about why they are in the office to begin with. This dynamic
has to change, and it changes with us! It changes through our
voice! Be the change you want to see in the course of Crohn's,
so that others may benefit from the trail you have blazed simply by
From we are crohns...journal #43 ....November 13, 2009
Family Business......... Making it through day by day, especially those that take all that remains, our reservoir at times seems drained. but thankfully we can go, to the One who makes us whole, for He sustains in times of pain. Soothed in comfort and in love, that is poured forth from up above. Oh, how many nights we've cried, alone we've thought, it is just I, in this world and no one else to care for me and my health. But when we place our cares in His, we rest assured, cause we're His business..........becky butler©
April 25, 2009
Wealth for our treasure trove to apply to get by.......
Throughout life we learn what enrichment truly is, value is placed on more than the dollar, it begins to take place in the depths.
The depths of despair can hold us captive, there is no tormentor stronger than the mind. The chains of which link us to the past, the problem, robbing us of the present and ruining our future. Because when bound in the shackles of tormented thought that we create or accept due to circumstance, we then daily ruminate each link into bondage. Endlessly regurgitating the flagellation of negativity that keeps us inferior to the identity that we were created to capture and embrace to become who we truly are, despite all we face.
We are more than our reflection. An altered image twisted and spit back that comes with definitions all it's own. So this is where in the same depth of despair we begin to realize the chains that bind are simply mindsets and circumstance. We are more than a mindset and a circumstance. Why do we allow what is spoken over us, or happens to us, to change us so radically and rip from our being the vibrancy we once displayed so buoyantly?
It is within us to realize the ties that bind are invisible and certainly not invincible as we have erroneously believed. We may not be able to change the outward, but we can certainly overhaul the inside. Kick out that stickin' thinkin'..........the Bible says to take every thought captive...........meaning be still and take the time to realize what's holding you back.
Take the time to get to know that person who was left in the doctor's office upon diagnosis. The person who before disease came was vibrant and full of life, don't allow this to rob you of that. Use it for good, use it to move on and move forward into purpose. This thing does not have the power to ruin our lives, we do, and it certainly will if we allow it to. But it most certainly does not have to be this way...
You can either frame your future in fragility or tranquility. The choice is up to you.....................becky butler ©
It is a nameless, faceless excursion. Void of congrats and conciliatory slaps on the back. You give it when it's not necessitated for you to do so. You are love, selflessness, and grace. For others to know, we stand with you in this place.
Blood cannot be developed. It is freely given, bursting with cells of life for whoever is unaware in the moment when we end up with a need to receive what can't be bought. A purchase so priceless, but is freely given, knowingly and yet anonymously into the life of another.
I like how blood transfusions, know no gender, race, religion, or color. The heart that beats, beats for all of us. When wounded we all bleed the same. The blood is our equalizer. The autonomous, gift of self to enable another's future....becky butler
My own life has been saved numerous times for blood loss with blood transfusions. Thank you to the faceless, nameless Angels that help the heart continue to beat.
Thank you so much. It's truly priceless, the treasure of oneself when given.
My Dad, James Butler, regularly donates blood,
I have benefited through the gift of this Giving. You have to match in blood type, not actual relation. It's what is beneath the surface that makes the difference and establishes life's beautiful continuance through anonymous selfless people who chose to give. To use what they had, where they were at, and therefore as in life, the difference is made. ©
Site Owner, Admin,
The soul affected, the heart rejected, as we allow the mind's collected thoughts to overrun. Spill they will upon the tongue. Ability to hurt another, is something that is not a goal to strive to be won. For that will be the result, our hurt, hurts others within and without. It is said misery loves company, but all this does is leave us empty, affirming every insecurity, is not the way to break free. Harming others and ourselves with the hurt that hurts so much. Building walls we have created ourselves, so that others may not see when we fall. When we have have are trapped within, the mind the soul, the torment. Building walls, crafted from the depths of pain that resonate, keeping others out away outside the gates. Thus reaffirms, we are alone, not knowing where we can possibly go. How can we fit in, when our depths are sullied, soiled within. But this truth, we need to know, insecurities steal the keys needed for growth. Humility is such a gift, God's grace is more than sufficient. For humility and honesty are the keys. But first within ourselves this truth we must allow to take hold. God is love, at times we feel so unaware of. Based on feeling deep within, how could He love me....
He knows what lies within. But God graces our wounds with love, He knows they are there, He created us. Though pain and insecurity doesn't come from Him, His arms are always there, opened to hold and embrace, heal with love. There is no secret we can keep from His love and truth, He knows us inside and out. This is not a bad thing, when pain resonates so deeply within, shame and guilt doesn't come from Him. Conviction yes, consequences of what WE have wrought. We have to know what lies within, LIES WITHIN. To disfigure, disengage, and lose ourselves who it is we're created to become. So in simple stealth, sorrows come, in attempt to steal from us His promise of tomorrow. He holds our future in His hands, only when we understand, not to punish, or penance give, but Love He is, created for us to dwell, so that we can heal, and be able to say our soul is well.
Seething pain, creeps within, taking hold so tight, we cannot grow. We react by how we perceive this life and what it is we want it to be. Wounded areas ever fail to bring forth rest. Especially when life is viewed as one continual impassable test. But this is not the case imagined or ordained for us to live our lives this way. Treading water is not living, it's surviving, and there are times most definitely we need to be able to swim, and keep our head up, from drowning sorrows that overwhelm. But with God we are never alone, away from Him we can never go, We can refuse His truth and grace, and choose to leave our lives up to chance and happenstance. Yet God didn't gamble, when He created life. He's knitted & woven purpose into our being that comes only from His love. Our dreams we forget, as our road continues, in never ending circles and cycles of torment and madness. Yet this is not even a singular part of His plan for you or for me. The effects of this world, do transform us far from His goal.
Yet all is not His fault, to blame God for the things we could do without. But His love we have to know and trust, before we allow Him to transform us into His reflection. We are held ever in His eyes, nothing to Him could be a surprise, He's with us wherever we go, and though the path isn't always smooth, it's still Jesus that I choose. I have tried things on my own, but the weeds ever come choking, restraining God's beauty destined for our life. I know now beauty is everywhere, abundantly to be found, when I see through eyes graced by healing, and know in Him this is just the beginning of all it is He holds for me. But I know, that God is not a genie where the lotto is automatically won. For our best He holds in heart, and sometimes that includes tearing apart all it is that has kept Him out, all our secrets, all our doubt. Before His throne we must go, and embrace the truth, we are not our own. He paid the cost, for us to become His daughters and sons. He is father, & holds our best, at times OUR trust is put to the test. Not to see us fail, for He only holds and wants our best. But clarity is often needed, not in Him for He can see, but within ourselves to see the places where His loving touch and grace is needed always and ever so much. Faithful is He over us, while faithless we are when second guessing His presence. In this life, and life to come, we are never, have never been left alone. He's always been there right beside, waiting for us in Him to abide. For God in us, is where He longs to reside. How oft' we reject, and consistently forget to thank Him for the good, and PRAISE Him in the bad. For His ways enable our successful path. As we want to be loved, esp. when we feel we are not enough, Jesus to wants the same. To love and be loved, simply for Who He is, not what He does or can do. He's not a wishlist. But He is worthy of our love, He doesn't want to be forgotten or abandoned by us.
He exists that so we can live, thru the storms and tempests, our hand He holds with everystep, it's is us who choose to do the letting go. His eternal love doth ever embrace and encompass our spirit and soul. Transforming hearts turned to stone, by the things experience at us has thrown. How can you run for help to the One that's blamed for our every mistake, the One we blame when the negative takes place. Gratitude sprinkled here & there, oft' misplaced as we don't attribute the good things to His grace. Pain of course is oft' attributed unto God, as part of His plan, unfathomable so we disconnect ourselves from the One sees it all and ever holds our best, even when we are put to the test. Not given as one to fail, but to reveal in us, the places that need His touch to heal. Misconceptions come from the experiences of life, and the circumstances of. In this we have a choice to make, run to Him or run away. The choice is ours, our own to make, for He loves us enough to want to to be loved, chosen and cherished by us for who He is, just like us, but in Him lies true rest and our best. Trials and struggles do not stop, once we place Jesus on top, and give to Him every place that is out of control. But this truth is what I know, He is with me, wherever I go, He brings me through with the perfect view, for it's His perspective that I need to see through. My heart mended, my soul rejoice, in times of strife and happiness, for through it all His goal is my best. He alone, holds my best, He alone gives me true restorative recuperative rest.One that a bed nor pillow can create, His dreams bring me to life.
On my own, within my head the only things crafted in me is strife. But God loves, it's who He is, and cherished we are from our verybeginIt's a simple two way street, we want to be loved and accepted for who we are. Our voice heard and validate all that is we need express. He knows our thoughts, He knows our cares, His love places His concern there, in those places only He can fill. Simply, that is the goal, all He want's is for us to know we cannot do it on our own.
When bound to love, God loves, it's who He is, and cherished we are from the very begin. A simple two way street, we want to be loved and accepted for who we are. Our voice to be heard and validated in all it is we need express. He knows our thoughts & knows our cares. His love places His concern there, in those places only He can fill. Simply, that is His goal, all He wants is for us to know we cannot do this on our own. When we are bound unto Himself, nothing is impossible, when we seek Him out as the answer of, all we face and all we love. Many times our hands are tied, but remember for us it is that He died, He is no longer bound by this earth, nor neath the ground, He can reach and intervene in every situation that we may ever face. He loves us enough to intervene in our circumstances and bring forth hope.
Our lives in Him are not left up to chance, or open to happenstance. We are promised, treasured, purpose filled, in His love He transforms our soul, in the deepest places where we are unable to sow anything beside our bitterness, He comforts, heals, and gives us rest. He truly is the one in whom our hope, destiny and purpose unfold. ..............Becky Butler ©
Vision's Expression Owner, Admin.& Content Developer
I want to create beauty, weaving words into places of healing. Not be stifled by the consistency of dealing with the day to day nature of this chronic illness. But to shine a light in the dark, letting myself and others know that we have somewhere besides ourselves, we can park, pull up and align with those who are going through the same or similar path.
To relate and know we are not alone, is far more valuable than mere things we can hold. For in each other we can see, the Victory for you, holds a victory for me. In places where you need strength, maybe I have successfully handled that specific place, and can guide you with the truth and hope of what worked for me. So that we don't have to deal with this independently. But together, as one, united, we're strong.
Hurting and pain is not a sign that we are in the wrong, but a signal that somewhere in the body's mass, a crisis is waging war and coming together helps us along the road and bumpy path of this illness and its plans. For us it wants to knock down, drag-out, and keep us from any form and semblance of living our lives. It's a continual deprive. Cruel, it is upon our mind, and not only from time to time, but Chronic is just that, consistent nature of physical attack. When we can't see our way through alone, when the fight in us is almost gone, when the lines are blurred from tears, we can come together in truth, and reveal the ugly nature of this stress, and that gains us victory over this mess. To know that yes, we are affected by the affliction that this thing has given.
We do not have to wallow, allowing pain to wax over our being with it's mission. We are not our diagnosis. We are not the labels given. We are not the remedies taken, tried, attempted, and applied. We are who we are aside from this label of "illness" on the inside.
We are living, loving, created beings, to share ups and downs and joys as they abound. We cannot acquiesce and let this thing win, by simply giving up, and giving in, when seeing no way out, we may as well fit in.
But shine we can, each of us, speaking wisdom into this cause, and helping others along the way to be able to say "I've been there, it'll be ok."
Silence is the goal to keep us mum about our sorrow, but a voice heard is necessary, to speak the truth, and have compassion toward someone that's undergoing an area that you have already. Continue on step by step, breath by breath, moment by moment upon this quest. To fight, we must and do our best, and also take the time to rest and allow others to shine for us when we cannot.
Together we fight, together we're strong! We don't have to face this disease alone!!!!
~Becky Butler ©
Sickness happens, but when it becomes part of our daily lives it can
be an inner grudge match that tends to bring up an anger and hatred that
tries to consume us.
Why do we blame ourselves for something that we have no control over? Most people wake up in the morning and look forward to what the day has to offer. I wake up and
Have to force myself out of bed. Joints ache, stomach rumbling, urgency, headache, nausea, the list goes on and on. Having to force yourself through all this to get
But a few things done can be overwhelming. That's where anger rears its head, like a nosey neighbor that can't take a hint. Mad that the simple tasks have become more difficult or that we have to endure another day of suffering. Why do we point it towards ourselves? I've asked this question many times and I wish I had an answer but I
Don’t. We look to point the blame somewhere but it always gets reverted back. I fear what each day has in store. Worried that the anger will overtake me and that I will lash out at the ones I love. "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." Yoda said it best. Fear, Anger, Hate, and Suffering are all interconnected. It's a downward spiral that is hard to escape. If we give in to it, the ones we love are really the receivers of this anger.
When life starts to take things away it is very easy to fall into the cradle of anger. Chronic illness is a fight that most of us live with for years on end. Staying positive is a task that has always eluded me. I can see peace of mind in the distance but the faster I run towards it the further it gets. Getting dressed, cooking, running an errand, simplest of jobs exhaust me. So frustration builds higher and higher, depression, the anger, not always in that order but always the trifecta. So I stop looking ahead to what needs to get done (easier said) and live in the now. Living life moment to moment because that's what seems to be the only way to keep the anger from consuming me. It doesn't always work but the effort is there. I need to hang on to the Hope that the countless medications and doctors’ appointments will give me some relief. Faith in my willingness to push myself through the pain each and every day. The Love of my family and friends gives me strength in spirit to stop blaming myself for being sick. "That which angers you also conquers you." So from here on out I will attempt to realize that while I cannot change my condition that I will live my life to the best of my ability. It is all I can do and it will have to be good enough.