|Posted by Becky Butler on December 24, 2019 at 1:05 PM||comments (55)|
|Posted by Becky Butler on February 11, 2014 at 3:25 PM||comments (5)|
I want to create beauty, weaving words into places of healing. Not be stifled by the consistency of dealing with the day to day nature of this chronic illness. But to shine a light in the dark, letting myself and others know, that we have somewhere besides ourselves we can park, pull up and align with. Those who are going through the same or similar path.
To relate and know we are not alone, is far more valuable than mere things we can hold. For in each other we can see, the Victory for you, holds a victory for me. In places where you need strength, maybe I have successfully handled that specific place, and can guide you with the truth and hope of what worked for me. So that we don't have to deal with this independently. But together, as one, united we're strong.
Hurting and pain, is not a sign that we are in the wrong, but a simple signal that somewhere in the body's mass, crises is waging war and coming together helps us along the road and bumpy path of this illness and its plans. For us it wants to knock down, drag out, and keep us from any form and semblance of living our lives, it's continually deprives. Cruel, it is upon our mind, and not only from time to time, but Chronic is just that, consistent nature of physical attack. When we can't see our way through alone, when the fight in us is almost gone, when the lines are blurred from too many tears fallen, we can come together in truth, and reveal the ugly nature of this stress, and that gains us victory over this mess. To know that yes, we are affected by the affliction that this thing has given.
We do not have to wallow, allowing pain to wax over our being with it's mission. We are not our diagnosis, we are not the labels given, we are not the remedies taken, tried, attempted, and applied.We are who we are aside from this label "illness".
We are living, loving, created beings, to share ups and downs and joys as they abound. We cannot acquiesce and let this thing win, by simply giving up, and giving in, seeing no way out, we may as well fit in.
But shine we can, each of us, speaking wisdom into this cause, and helping ourselves and others along the way, to be able to say "I've been there, it'll be ok."
Silence is the goal, to keep us mum about our sorrow, but a voice heard is necessary, to speak the truth, and have compassion toward someone that's undergoing an area that you have already. To continue step by step, breath by breath, moment by moment upon this quest. To fight we must and do our best, and also take the time to rest and allow others to shine for us when we cannot.
Together we fight, together we're strong! We don't have to face this disease alone!!!!
~Becky Butler Connell
Site Owner, Admin, Content Developer
|Posted by Becky Butler on January 11, 2014 at 9:05 AM||comments (48)|
This we hear deep within, the insecurities that weaken. This is not their only purpose. To simply dwell within ourselves, the depths within churn and spin, our eyes are blurred by film and memories that continually replay. In the depths of being, the mind is strained, extraneous words echo the soul, so deep within. Such toll is taken when we feel we have no place or right to belong..
We are trapped when these depths remain. The scars within have left us pained. Simply destroyed within is not enough. extraneous words, place extra strain when they are allowed to reach the tongue. In the depths of being, cruelty cries, straining the mind with distorted lies. Echoing our emptiness, the response of silence does makes a difference. Alone we feel, the extra strain, as self''s unkindness overcomes.
The soul affected, the heart rejected, as we allow the mind's collected thoughts to overrun. Spill they will from the tongue. Ability to hurt another, is something that is not a goal to strive for, or to be won. For that will be the result, our hurt, hurts others within and without. It is said misery loves company, but all this does is leave us empty, affirming every insecurity, and is not the way to break free. Harming others and ouselves with the hurt that harms so much. Building walls we have created ourselves, so that others may not see us fall. When we are trapped within, the mind the soul, the torment begins. Building walls, crafted from the depths of pain that resonate, keeping others far away outside the gate. Thus reaffirms, we are alone, not knowing where we can go. How can we fit in, when depths are sullied, soiled within.
But this truth, we need to know, Insecurities steal the keys needed for growth. Humility is such a gift, God's grace is more than sufficient. For humility and honesty are the keys. But first within ourselves this truth we must allow to take hold. God is love, though at times we become unaware of. Based on feelings deep within, how could He love me....He knows what lies within. But God graces our wounds with love, He knows they are there, He created us. Though pain and insecurity does never come from Him, His arms are always open to hold and embrace, in His healing with love, transforming us when we permit His touch and choose consciously in Him to trust.
There is no secret we can keep from His love and His truth, He knows us inside and out. This is not a bad thing, when pain resonates so deeply within, shame and guilt doesn't come from Him. Conviction yes, consequences of what WE have wrought. We have to know what lies within, LIES WITHIN. To disfigure, disengage, and lose ouselves from who it is He created. Stealthily, comes such sorrow, attempting to steal from us His promise of tomorrow. He holds our future in His hands, only when we understand, not to punish, or penance give, but Love He is, created for us to dwell, so that we can heal, and be able to say our soul is well. Seething pain, creeps within, taking hold so tight, we cannot grow. We react by how we perceive this life and what it is we want it to be. Wounded areas ever fail to bring forth rest. Especially when life is viewed as one continual unpassable test.
But this is not the case, God imagined or ordained for us to live our lives this way. Treading water is not living, it's surviving, and there are times most definitely we need to be able to swim, and keep our head up, from drowning sorrows that overwhelm. But with God we are never alone, away from Him we can never go, We can refuse His love, truth and grace, and choose to live our lives misplaced.
God doesn't leave things up to chance, it's us who choose to remain trapped within happenstance.When He created life. He knitted & woven purpose into our being that comes only from His love. Our dreams we forget, as our road continues, in never ending cycles and circles of tormenting madness. Yet this is not even a singular part of His plan for we are truly His love's work of art. The effects of this world, misinform and take us far from His goal. Yet all is not His fault, to blame God for the things in life we could do without. But His love we have to know and trust, before we allow Him to transform us into His reflection. We are held ever in His eyes, nothing to Him could ever be a surprise, He's with us wherever we go, and though the path isn't always smooth, it's still Jesus that I choose. I have tried things on my own, but weeds evercome and overgrow, choking life from my soul, restraining God's beauty destined to make whole.
I know now beauty is everywhere, abundantly to be found, when I see through eyes graced by healing, and know in Him this is just the beginning of all it is He holds for me. But I know, this too, Jesus is not a genie for the lotto to win. For our best He holds in His heart, and at times that includes tearing apart all it is that has kept Him out, through all our secrets, all our doubt.
Before His throne we must go, and embrace the truth, we are not our own. He paid the cost, for us to become His daughters and sons. He is father, & holds our best, at times OUR trust is put to the test. Not to see us fail, for He only holds and wants our best. But clarity is often needed, not in Him for He can see, but within ourselves to see the places where His loving touch and grace is needed always and ever so much.
Faithful is He over us, while faithless we are when second guessing His presence. In this life, and life to come, we are never, not ever been left alone. He's always been there right beside, waiting for us in Him to abide. For God in us, is where He longs to reside. How oft' we reject, and consistently forget to thank Him for the good, and PRAISE Him ever even in the bad. For His truth enables a successful path.
As we want to be loved, especially when we feel we are not enough, Jesus too wants the same. To love and be loved, simply for Who He is, not what He does or can do for us. He's not a wishlist, He is worthy of our love, He doesn't want to be forgotten or abandoned by us. He exists that so we can live, thru the storms and tempests, our hand He holds with every step, we are the ones who choose to do the letting go. His eternal love doth ever embrace and encompass our spirit and soul. Transforming hearts turned to stone, by those things that experience has thrown. To disengage is ill advice, this choice for us is never wise.
How can you run for help to the One that's blamed for our every mistake, the One we blame when the negative takes place. Gratitude sprinkled here & there, or oft' misplaced as we don't attribute the good things to His grace. Pain of course is oft' attributed unto God, as part of His plan, unfathomable so we disconnect ourselves from the One who sees it all, and holds our best, even when we are put to the test. Not given as one to fail, but to reveal in us, the places that need His touch in order to heal.
Misconceptions come from the experiences of life, and the circumstances of. In this we have a choice to make, run to Him or stay away. The choice is ours, our own to make, for He loves us enough to want to to be loved, chosen and cherished by us for who He is, just like us, but in Him lies true rest and wholly completely our very best.
Trials and struggles do not stop, once we place Jesus on top, and give to Him every place that is out of control. But this truth is what I know, He is with me, wherever I go, He brings me through with perfect view, for it's His perspective I need to see through. My heart mended, my soul rejoice, in times of strife and happiness, for through it all His goal is mine to enter and dwell in the divine. He alone, holds my best, He alone gives true restorative, recuperative rest. One that a bed nor pillow can create, His dreams create life. On my own, within my head the only thing that's crafted is strife.
But God loves, it's who He is, and cherished we have always been, long before our conception. Relationships are a two way street, we want to be loved and accepted for who we are, and have our voice heard to validate all that is we need express. He knows our thoughts, He knows our cares, His love release's His concern within ours, for those places only He can fill. Simply, that is the goal, all He want's is for us to know we cannot do it on our own, only when we are bound to the Creator and Source of everlasting, ever true, neverending love,
God loves, it's who He is, and cherished we are from our very begin. Relationships are a two way street, we want to be loved and accepted for who it is we truly are. Our voice heard and validity given in that we need to express. He knows our thoughts & knows our cares. His love bequeaths His intervention for the things that we refer and place in His care. It's those places only He can fill. Simply, that is His goal, all He wants is for us to know we cannot do this on our own. When we are bound to Him, nothing at all is impossible, when we seek Him out as the answer of, all we face, longing for His grace to take the place where anxiety resides, that's when peace can truly abide.
Many times our hands are tied, but remember for us it is that He died. He is no longer bound by this earth, nor neath the ground, He can reach and intervene in every situation that we may ever be found. He loves us enough to intervene within our circumstance and bring forth hope, that's His stance. Our lives in Him are not left to chance, or open to happenstance. We are promised, treasured, purpose filled, for His love transforms our soul, in the deepest places where we are unable to go or grow anything beside bitterness, He comforts, heals, and gives us rest. He truly is the one in whom our hope, destiny and purpose unfolds. Should we really be the one's holding the controls? ..............bc
|Posted by Becky Butler on December 30, 2013 at 4:55 PM||comments (1)|
Still in pain......lovely......it's bad. I cannot wait until my doc appt on Jan 2nd, I pray I find some relief even temporarily to this intense level that this prolapse created. I have a very strong intuition that while I have had a prolapse at least 3 years ago that has been documented, I think it's been happening all along. No one, well I do now, takes a mirror to their business.....i do now, this intestinal prolapse sucks. I know I will end up with a surgical consult, that I already skipped in December, my bowel resection in January 2009 nearly took me out, permanently. So I am not looking forward to any type of anything in that area, I'd rather as awful as it is deal with pain, then go through something like that again. Sepsis, lung collapse, pneumonia, all from "exploratory" surgery, that they ended up removing my entire transverse colon, (that was not prepped, because when I asked the surgeon if prep was necessary HE SAID NO!!) stating I'd be 3-5 days tops in the hospital and back home good to go, for the standard 6 wk recovery period. I ended up in ICU for 24 days....and docs thought that I wouldn't be here through a few of those nights.
Crohn's disease, is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone......tho I am very thankful to have met others that have unfortunately experienced the same thing, but by bonding together during the crummy times, we are strengthened. It is such a comfort to know you are not alone in what you feel, think, react, go through, meds, surgeries, hospital stays, etc. By sharing the crud, we are cemented in the good, and strengthen each other, with each breath, each step, each moment that we choose to CONTINUE fighting our way through this life, that at times we live, and at others is seemingly lived for us, through illness, etc. We are NOT a DIAGNOSIS!!! We are more than THAT label, It's what and who we are on the inside that counts, and DEFINES each one of us! Remember that!
Live life, love life, and keep on keeping on! Together we are strong!
|Posted by Becky Butler on December 28, 2013 at 10:15 AM||comments (1)|
Ouch! Lotta pain today........I find that is when I write some of the better pieces. Plus I wanted ONE place, where I could share, vent, and post whatever it is that happens to be in my heart, and my spirit. Sometimes that will be the good, and at other times not so much. But that is LIFE, and it's all in how we CHOOSE to live through it. We can grow BITTER or BETTER. I choose BETTER, but I will not sugarcoat pain, reality, and most of all FAITH and HOPE!
.....Lots LOTS of PAIN today.........this is so insidious, I just cannot stand it, but am so grateful for everyone that I wouldn't have come into contact with, otherwise. Thank you for sharing, caring, encouraging and listening. I love my WAC's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, lol!!!:) I best get to writing, it truly helps to "write" through the pain to get to the positive, the otherside, the blessing vs the stressing! I write what I need to hear, to get through the day, the moment, the minute, one breath, one step at a time. Together!